Whacked-Out Madness!

With August and friends.

An MSTing of Persona.

Chapter 3: The First Awakening

 

Disclaimer: you know what, everyone knows I don’t own shit. I’m tired of having to say it over and over. But I will say this: Buffy the Vampire Slayer has gone straight to hell. I want my nice cuddly evil Spikey back! On another note, I really like ‘I Feel Sick’ now. I think it’s affecting my brain. Wait! I thought of something I own! The splendorific Gary Oak! Ha! Screw 4 Kids, he’s my sexy bitch now.

Summary: A visit from a friend, Endril lays down some smack on Gary, we get DSL, and guess what? My excellente authorsome self manages to do a  fair job of pissing off Twerpshippers, Palletshippers, Tracey fans, Ash fans, and possibly the author herself, all in one spiffy fanfic-thingy. Now how’s that fer entertainment? Rated R, I guess, for language, excessive bashing of characters, Ash being gay, and someone giving the finger. Don’t like?? Don’t read. So don’t flame me when everything doesn’t turn out like you’d wanted, kiddies.

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It had been a week since they’d read chapter 2. So far, there had been no contact with the twerps. Our heroes were forced to search for food. Surprisingly enough, they’d found a large stock of ramen noodles, which they were living off of. Spike, however, was starting to crack.

          “You know,” said Endril in a secret conference. “I think maybe we should try and disable that chip in his head.”

          “So he can kill us all? That’s insane!” Gary yelled. August gave him a menacing look, hissing,

          “Shut up! He’ll hear you!” Endril looked mad.

          “Listen, he’s not gonna hurt anyone! He’s a nice guy!”

          “A nice guy who feeds on human blood!”

          “You know, I’ve had just about enough of you picking on my guy, Gary! It’s starting to bug me!”

          “Oh yeah?!”

          “Yeah!”

          “Well, too bad!”

Endril promptly punched Gary in the face, sending him whimpering back to August for comfort.

          “Now, you see what you’ve done? I told you not to provoke her, sweetie.”

          “She started it!”

          “Stop bleeding on me, honey, and go hang out with Tengu and Spike, okay?”

          “Fine.” He pouted, glaring at Endril, and left.

          “You know, “ said August, once Gary had gone. “we really need another girl here. We’re outnumbered, man.”

          “Yeah. I wish our friends were here.”

          “For real, yo.”

          Just then, a loud buzzing filled the air. August and Endril ran out of the kitchen to the bridge, where Endril tried to figure out what was going on.

          “Well,” she shouted over the noise. “There’s either an unregistered person in the airlock, of we’ve had a hull breach.”

          “You can’t tell?!”

          “Well, the computer’s crashing!”

          “Again?”

          “Yeah. I think we should head for the airlock.”

When the girls reached the airlock and opened the hatch, the alarm finally shut off. Standing in the doorway was a girl August and Endril’s age, carrying a very large box. She was pale, with absurdly baggy pants, a sort of French military-esque olive green jacket, and short, dirty blonde hair. She had a mechanical pencil stuck behind one ear, which had a large amount of earrings in it. In addition to the box, which appeared to be full of miscellaneous toys, clothes, food, and cds, the girl had a cd player hanging out one of her pants pockets, along with a cherry coke, some bottles of black nail polish, and a small plushie of Merton.

          “Hi!” she called out, putting the box down. “Are ya glad ta see me?”

          “LIZZIE!” August and Endril yelled, rushing her. The rest of the passengers came over, wanting to know what was going on.

          “Hey, it’s that crazy chick!” Spike remarked.

“Probably just another one of my adoring fans.” Said Gary. August kicked him.

“So this is the author?” asked Tengu, incredulous.

“Fo sho, mo fo!” Lizzie said gleefully. “It looks like I’m here for a visit!”

“But how’d you get here, Liz-o?” August asked.

“Okay, check _this_ out. The twerps asked me ta bring you guys chapter three of my wondrous fic, since they’re currently lost in the ruins of Alph. So, I decided I’d pack my bags and haul some provisions up to ya.” She rummaged around in the box for a moment, and pulled out a jar of blood, which she tossed to Spike. He ran off to find a refrigerator and watch Passions.

“Well, I’m glad that’s taken care of.” Endril remarked. “Tensions were running a bit high.”

August had jumped into the box, and came up holding another pair of absurdly baggy jeans.

“My magic jeans! Thanx, Liz!”

“No problemo, Aug.”

“She brought food!” Gary exclaimed. “We won’t die!”

“I don’t think you can die from eating ramen noodles, Gary.” Said Tengu, still bandaged up from his encounter with Bun-bun.

“But they were starting to go bad!”

“How can noodles go bad?! They weren’t even cooked yet!” the Mewtwo amulet bearer paused, his voice getting mocking and nasal. “Gawd, Gary, you’re *such* a *loser*.”

“Say that again, bitch!” August jumped between them before a fight could break out.

“Geez, settle down! Now Tengu, are you going to shut yer piehole,” her eyes turned red again. “or are you gonna have another tea party with the widdle grey and white bunny?”

“Sorry ma’am.”

“Better.”

“Listen, August,” said Lizzie. “I can take care of Tengu if ya want.” Tengu blanched, thinking that be the way she cuddled that Merton plushie, Liz was gonna do some freaky voodoo shit on him.

“Okay!” said August happily. “Have fun now!”

Lizzie dragged him off towards the computer console, eyeing the little video camera sitting on the main comp.

“Hey,” she said to Endril. “Does this camera work?”

“Yeah, it should. The microphone, too. Why? You gonna send a message to somebody?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna say hi to Aroka.” She turned on the camera, making sure Tengu was in the shot too. “Oh Am-baah…” she said in an annoying singsong voice. “Guess who’s here! It’s a cuddly widdle Tengu!” she hugged him for emphasis. “Say hewwo, sweetiekins!”

“Why me?” Tengu wailed, before breaking down into tears. Liz attached the video to an email, which Aroka replied to a few minutes:

Not fair! I wanna be on a spaceship with hot guys!

August wrote a reply of her own, asking Aroka to try and help them escape, if possible. At that moment, they got a message from Team Twerp on the large screen.

“Hey!” Ash whined. “You have chapter 3 now, so go read it!”

“Why do we hafta listen to _you_, anyway?” said August. “We have food, we have entertainment,”

“We have DSL.” Said Endril. “I just installed it.”

“And,” said August, after the cheers died down. “We have two extremely kind and loving hot guys!” She and Endril went into extreme happy cuddly glomp mode on Gary and Spike, respectively. “And Tengu.” She added. Liz hugged him again.

“Heyy…” Ash got even whinier. “ I thought Gary liked mee~ee!”

“One.” Said Gary. “I’m not gay.”

“Tru dat.” Said August.

“Two, even if I was, you are the single most annoying person on the face of the earth.”

“Aye, tha ya are, laddie.” Said August.

“And three, you’re a FLAMING MORON!!”

“He thinks you’re a loser.” August said in a loud, obvious whisper. Everyone on the ship cracked up.

“Well FINE!” Ash yelled. “You can stay up there for all eternity, I don’t care!”

August gave him a one-fingered salute as Ash stormed off the screen.

“I’m going to capture the way Ash sobs like a little girl when he can’t solve the Kabuto puzzle!” Said Tracey gleefully.

“It’s a Kabuto?!” came a voice from offscreen. Misty sighed.

“Just go read the fic, okay?” she said, before ending the transmission.

***************************************

August: Okay, who’s in here?

Endril: I’m right here.

Gary: I’m here.

August: Wait, where’s Spike?

Endril: He’s still getting drunk and watching Passions.

Others: Oh.

*Lizzie comes on over the intercom*

Liz: Um, was Bun-bun supposed to stay in the closet?

August: yeah….why?

Liz: Damn.

August: well go get him before he blows something up!

Endril: on with the fic!

"Can't we stop?" Misty snapped irritably, fingering the blue stone in her pocket.

August: She needs to stop doing that. It’s sick.

Endril: That blue stone really gets around.

 She didn't mean to be so harsh;

Gary: just like she didn’t mean to be a scrawny, bitchy Pokémon beater.

August: It was society’s fault!

 the whole trio

Endril: As opposed to half a trio.

 had just been in a mutual bad mood lately.
        "Oh, Misty, don't tell me you're tired," Ash said sarcastically.

August: sarcastically? I’m confused.

Endril: (Ash) and don’t tell me we’re lost, either!

 "Geez, it's just like a girl to tire out after walking for ten minutes."

Endril: Jerk!

August: That bastard!

Gary: (confused) um….yeah!        

 "For your information, Ash Ketchum, it's been more like five hours! And it's dark out!"

Endril: Thank you for stating the obvious.
        "Will you two shut up?!" Brock yelled. "God,

Endril: (God) YES, O EYELESS ONE?

 don't you ever stop?"

Gary: (God) NO. DIE!!!
        "YOU keep quiet, Brock!" Misty whirled on her other friend.

Endril: maybe she has homicidal tendencies…

 "It's your fault, anyway! Why do we even trust the map to you?

August: (Misty) You’re F***ing blind!

Even Pikachu's got a better sense of direction!"

Gary: that’s harsh.

Endril: way harsh. Poor Brock….
        "I'm sick of all your whining, Misty! All you ever do is complain!"

August: Who said that?

Endril: maybe it was God.

 Ash glared at the girl.
        Misty crossed her arms, huffily.

Endril: huffily?

August: That is NOT a word.

"Oh yeah?"

Gary: Yeah!

 She sat down, cross-legged, in the middle of the road.

August: And was promptly hit by a truck.

"I'm not taking one more step! You two can go ahead and stumble along in the dark if you want to, but I'm getting some sleep."

Endril: She’s gonna sleep in the middle of the road?!
        Ash stuck out his tongue at the girl. "Fine, but see if we care when you get lost

August: OR HIT BY A TRUCK!!

and we never see you again."

August: because you’ve been run over since you slept in the middle of the frickin road!!!

  Ash grabbed a hold of Brock's arm. "Come on, Brock, let's leave her."

August: he said seductively.

Endril: (Ash) we need some time…alone.
        The older boy wrenched his arm away.

Gary: (Brock) I don’t like you that way, Ash!

"Don't boss me around!" he yelled angrily.

Endril: (Brock) Who wears the pants in this family, anyway?!

"Besides, I'm tired, too!" He opened his backpack and pulled out his

August: Game Boy!

Gary: Handgun!

Endril: Marijuana!

sleeping bag.

August: Again with the sleeping in the road!!! It’s madness!   

    Ash frowned in indignation, but did the same.

August: MADNESS!!!

"I guess I'll see you two

Endril: (Ash) In Hell!!!

in the morning," he muttered. "I hope you'll be in a better mood then."

August: After you’ve been hit by a truck!!!

 Detaching Pikachu, who had been asleep the entire time, from his shoulder,

Gary: Pikachu 2000. Now with Velcro.

he curled up in his sleeping bag and dozed off, instantly.

August: (screaming crazily) MADNESS!!!!

(Endril slaps her.)

August: Okay, I’ll stop.
        "Me, in a bad mood?" Misty cried shrilly, but he was already asleep.
She glared at the slightly snoring bundle.

Endril: I’m confused… is it only slightly a bundle? Or is it only slightly snoring? How can you do either?

 "Fine. I'm going to sleep, too. Don't bother waking me up in the morning, Brock."

August: (Misty) I’ll have killed myself by then, since this chapter sucks so much.

She slid into her sleeping bag.
        "Why would I bother?" Brock muttered. He rolled out his sleeping bag and crawled inside, all the while mumbling about insolent little kids.

August: Insolent BRATS.

He was asleep in a heartbeat.

Endril: “In a Heartbeat!” The new original series only on Disney, about four very normal kids just like you put in life or death situations as paramedics; including one VERY hot Canadian!

August, singing: We’re livin our lives in a heartbeat!
Gary: Canadians are such losers.

*Endril hits him*        

· °° · °° · °° ·

Gary: What are those? Breasts?

        Overhead, the full moon shone down, big, and bright, and silent.

Endril: okay...your point being? The One Sentence Wonder!!!!

August: How can a moon be silent? I mean, it’s normally silent!

Endril: Can one sentence really be a paragraph? Isn’t that against the law or something?

Gary:  What is she trying to prove here? Is she trying to show the setting? A plot? Or just tell us useless information that has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Except the moon is being uncharacteristically quiet.

· °° · °° · °° ·

Gary: Whoa….those are really nice….paragraph breaks.

*August hits him* Hentai!

        James stumbled along the dark path, trying hard not to cry.

Endril: He had lost his only real companion…his teddy bear, Ricky (this is a cameo appearance).

He had never been the most macho of men,

Endril: Say anything, and I kill you where you sit.

Gary breaks out into a loud chorus of “Macho, Macho Man.”

but he really didn't want to break down in front of Jessie.

August: Because he LOVES her!!!

Endril: He does NOT!!!!! He loves ME!

August: And what does Spike have to say about this?

Endril: Oh, he already knows……….

Gary: Uh huh. Sure.

 Well, at least not when she was like this. He had cried in front of his partner thousands of times,

August: Thousands. He kept a record.

 but, well, Jessie wasn't acting like the girl he had known most of his life.

Endril: She had finally gone through puberty.

August: How can you say that? She’s worse than the paragraph breaks!

 She walked quickly, eyes staring straight forward, hands clenched at her sides, ignoring him

Gary: which made him very sad.

and Meowth.

August: who no one seems to care about in this fic.

 She seemed especially determined, more so than usual.

Gary: determined to do WHAT?

Endril: finally capture Pikachu!
        James, on the other hand, felt like something inside him had been torn in two.

Endril: AWWWW. That’s nasty.

 He felt that a part of him was suddenly, seriously missing.

August: As opposed to something missing that wasn’t vital, like his appendix.

Endril: It was seriously missing. Not just somewhat missing. Really! Please believe me! Seriously!

 He had never felt so depressed, so lost, so scared in his life.

August: *sniffles* suicide isn’t the answer, James!!

 It was all he could do to keep himself from stopping in the middle of the road and crying until he could cry no more.

Endril: Until he got hit by a truck.

August: *cough*hypocrite!*cough*

Endril: Oh give me a break! It was practically begging to be said. You’re just mad I beat you to the punch.
        Meowth stalked alongside the quiet pair, tail lashing, grumbling to himself.

August: He’d lost half a million to those damn con men at the races.

 He hadn't said anything since they had met the woman.

Gary: What woman?

Endril: The old prostitute woman.

August: who wasn’t really old.

Endril: They never quite explained that…

Gary: I don’t think I want to know.
        Come to think of it, James had been feeling fine until they had met the beggar woman. And Meowth had been loud and obnoxious, or, in other words, completely normal, that morning. He'd been angry ever since coming upon the strange woman.

August: It was the curse of…..Old Prostitute Woman!!! Bum bum BUM!

Endril: Wait…wasn’t that curse broken? THE CURSE THAT CAN’T BE BROKEN!!!!!

Gary: Brought to you by the Disney channel.

Endril: And the Annual Support of Viewers Like You. And Iron Chefs everywhere.
        And Jessie... she certainly wasn't acting normal.

August: As has been already mentioned!

She'd been almost, well, heartless, in a way.

Gary: wasn’t she always?

She'd been this way, James reflected apathetically,

Endril: since when does ANYONE speak like that?!

August: maybe this is a crossover with Dawson’s Creek.

 ever since they'd met the woman.
        'No,' a voice spoke quietly. 'It's not the woman. It's the amulet.'

All: *Screaming* Disembodied voices!!!!

Endril: Maybe it’s God.

August: Oh, well in that case…
        'That's stupid,' James thought.

Gary: (James) I don’t hear voices! I’m perfectly sane! Seriously!!

'Maybe that Persian stone changed Jessie, and sure, Meowth hates Persians, that's probably why he's mad. But why would Jessie's amulet make me--'

August: At that point he was hit by a truck. (To Endril)—beat ya!

(here he heaved a pathetic sigh, earning him a disdainful

Endril: Dawson’s Creek disease!!

Gary: It’s just excessive thesaurus syndrome.

 flick of the eyes

Gary: Flick? How can eyes flick?

Endril: (Morgain) Fwick? Am I still beautiful?

August: (Frick) Yes, beyond words. Am I?

Endril: (Morgain) Yes, beyond words.

August & Endril: (sobbing uncontrollably)

Gary: okaay….

from Jessie and a irritable growl from Meowth) '--so unhappy?'
        'It's not the presence of her amulet that saddens you,' the voice said.

August: (James) Make them stop!! Make the voices stop!!

For some odd reason, James took comfort in the voice. It seemed so caring. So understanding.

Endril: (singing) Every breath you take/Every step you take/every move you make/I’ll be watching you…

Gary: That’s not right…
        'It's the lack of your own.'

August: (voice) If you want the amulet, you should kill Jessie and take it for yourself.

Endril: (voice) Use the force, James! I am your father!

  James' eyes widened suddenly. "Maybe you're right," he mumbled to himself.

Gary: (James) Gee, thanks, wise ghostly thing!
        Neither of his teammates noticed,
        The trio

Endril: 2/8 of the trio, actually.

 continued down the silent road, not speaking, only thinking.
        And what thoughts they were.

August: Oh, the places you’ll go!

Endril: Oh, the thoughts that you’ll think!

Gary: Bum bum BUM! This calls for some…brackets!
        

· °° · °° · °° ·

Endril: DON’T SAY ENNATHIN’!

                The moon seemed to grow larger in the sky. It shone down a pure white, bathing the silent forest in its warm glow.

Endril: Isn’t this the exact same sentence as before, with more detail…?

August: The moon has more of a glittery, cool glow.

Endril: Once again…do these one sentence chapters have a point?

· °° · °° · °° ·

August: SHUT UP!!

Gary: but I didn’t say anything….

Endril: Ennathin’.  I think Lizzie needs new brackets…

        Misty's eyes flicked open.

August and Endril start to sob again.

 Automatically, her hand went to the amulet laying next to her pillow,

Gary: It really does get around!

 seeking reassurance from the pendant. The girl's hand closed around the blue stone protectively.
        The stone flared bright blue.

August: And was hit by a truck!
        Instantly, Misty let out a startled yelp.

Endril: As happens oftentimes, when you’re hit by a truck.

Gary: Okay, you two have gone overboard with the truck jokes. It’s not funny anymore.

Endril: Shut up, Darcy!

 She pulled her hand back from the stone as if it had burned her. It wasn't the sudden color change that had frightened her.

August: Wasn’t it blue to begin with?!

When she had received the stone from the woman, she had felt a calmness overwhelm her, a serenity that had slowly dwindled away as the evening had worn on. Now, having sought

August and Endril: LATIN SENTNCE!!!

for the same comfort a second time, the stone had almost burned her.

Gary: She already said that! What does she mean?

 It had sent a strong message of dislike through her entire body, as if to say, very simply, I don't want you.

August: (amulet) You suspenders-wearin trailer trash!
        The young girl bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears.

Endril: then why’d she bite her lip?!

A small part of herself told her that this was stupid, asked her why she was getting worked up over such a small thing. But, no matter how much she berated herself for being so weak,

All: ????

and no matter how tightly she squeezed her eyelids shut, tears managed to find their way down her cheeks. She couldn't explain it. She just felt so lost.

Gary: She just couldn’t stop eating!
        'Oh, Misty, please don't cry,'

All: *screaming* Disembodied voices!!

Endril: I aint never gonna get used to that…

        The voice seemed so earnest and pleading that Misty couldn't help smiling. "Why shouldn't I?" she asked quietly, wiping her eyes.
        'Well, why would you?' it answered curiously.

Endril: confused! Is it curious that it answered her? Was it curious?
        Misty looked down. "It's because of the amulet."
        The voice didn't answer for a moment, and somehow, Misty got the idea that it was nodding gravely.

August: Like…like Professor Dubledore!

Endril: he does do a lot of that, doesn’t he?

August: Odds Bodkins, Hermione! (Thanks to Dave Barry).

'Oh, I see now,' it said thoughtfully.
        Misty smiled again. "What?"
        'Maybe you've got the wrong one,' the voice hinted. 'Come find me, Misty.'

August: (amulet) Hello Clarice…..
        The girl blinked, confused. "What?"
        The voice was silent.

Endril: finally!
        Misty propped herself up on her elbows and looked around her. The night was unusually quiet. The moon was unusually large.

All: Not AGAIN!!!

There was a sense of mystery in the air. Despite the dull feeling of despair that resided deep inside her, Misty couldn't help shivering with pleasure. The feeling was almost magical.

August: Mr. Mistoffeles.
        A noise to her left caused the young girl to turn. Brock was tossing in his sleep. His teeth were gritted and his forehead was beaded with sweat.

Endril: (Brock) I’m tired of being the one who always gets Syphilis!!!!

Misty wasn't surprised to see he had his amulet out on his pillow, as she did.

Gary: They’re twerps and perverts!
        His amulet. Her eyes rested on the dull red stone. It, too, had lost its shine.
        'Misty...'

August: (amulet) Clarice…
        She picked up her own blue amulet and rattled it idly in her hand, ignoring the jolts it sent up her spine. An idea was growing in the back of her mind, slowly but steadily. She bit her bottom lip pensively.

Endril: She has a lip fetish. She just can’t keep ‘er teeth off them.
        'MISTY!'
        Hearing that utterance,

Gary: Okay, maybe it is Dawson’s Creek disease.

the girl almost involuntarily lunged forward, landing with a thud next to her older friend.

August: Isn’t this supposed to be a kids story?

In his fevered state, Brock didn't notice.

Gary: That and the fact he had been run over by a truck.

Hardly stopping for breath, Misty's hand darted forward and grabbed the red stone, leaving the blue amulet in its place, in one fluid motion. The older boy gave a slight gasp, and slept on.
        Crawling back to her sleeping bag, Misty held the amulet to her chest, smiling slightly.

All: O_o*

August: I do NOT want to know!!

 The depression was gone, replaced with a warm belonging.
        'Good night,

August: (amulet) Clarice…

Endril: SHUT UP ALREADY! You’re creepin’ me out!

Misty,'
        " 'Night..." she murmured sleepily, snuggling down into her sleeping bag. Her eyelids drooped, growing heavier and heavier until they closed completely. With a contented sigh, the girl fell into sleep.

Endril: umm…shouldn’t it  be ‘fell asleep’?
        Under her relaxed hand, the stone began to glow. Red light leaked between her fingers, bathing her face in its warmth. Misty smiled in her sleep.

August: the amulet battle is OVA!!

On to chapter four!

*******************************************************

          Outside, All, if not most, was in chaos. Okay, I lie. Spike was freaking out because the WB network majorly screwed him over, so he and Endril went and had a good, cuddly cry. Lizzie wanted to know what everyone thought of the fic.

          “Ummm…..” Was August’s reply.

          “No! come on, be honest with me! I know it was bad! Just tell me what you thought!”

          “It was….good. Seriously, it was!” said Gary. August started snickering at the mention of the word seriously. Lizzie sighed.

          “Okay, you guys, I really know how bad it is, okay? I wan tot read the next chapter.”

          “Sure! Just be aware that I can be very vicious with this thing. At least in the early chapters, ok?”

          “No prob, August.”

          “Good. Well, I’m suddenly under a lot of stress and am emotionally unstable for some strange reason. I think I need to cry on somebody’s shoulder. So get yer ass over here, Gary.”

          “Sure thing, Sweets.”

Happy End-ness, no?

****************************************

          Aii-ya. August doesn’t feel too peppy at tha moment. August really does need some fuzzy cuddlies. Any fuzzy bishonen cuddlies (or comments, hugs, greeting cards, praise, flames, candy, whatever) should be sent ta me at NeoGrrl_August@hotmail.com. I have no idea what will go on in tha next chapter thingy, but I think I’ll continue wit da fun Hannibal Lecter jokes. Deys fun, right, Liz-O? hehe…Hanniba-Lizzie. “How am I supposed to type?” Goodbye, fun people! It’s been real, no da.  Till next time, dis be August da crazy fan chica, signin out. Wit a quote, no less.

“Who wears the pants in this family, anyway?!”